Tearful Triumphs and Strange Uses

So as you would know from my last post I have recently gone through a break up that crushed my soul and my spirit and all the other things in life that could be crushed, but never fear, like the phoenix I shall rise from the ashes. I have been told a few times in life that I am overly emotional and those people might actually be on to something  (I don't give my emotions out often but when I do, watch out). I wont lie, I have been crying like a little bitch most days and when I think the tears are about to run out I get a second wind and the rivulets keep flowing. This got me thinking today about positive ways in which to harness my tears... most importantly, if I was someone else, what could I do with those tears that could change the world. Lets play a game of make believe.... I could be,,, 

The Leave Britney Alone Guy - Remember that viral internet sensation from circa 2009 that tearfully defended crazy old Brit and told the world to leave her alone? Yeah I could be that guy. I have always liked the idea of being an internet celebrity (for something other than porn of course) so this might just be the opportunity I am looking for. I could find some cause to champion (not Britney of course, she is so 5 minutes ago), be the voice of the people and then bask in my stardom. Fuck yeah. 

A High Class Stripper - I don't know if its just me but when a women is taking her clothes off for me I like her to be crying. Its kind of like the upgrade to your McDonalds Meal. I am paying for a service and I want her to know that. With the amount of tears that I have been shedding I could be the highest of the High Class. There might actually be the slight issue that I am not an attractive crier, I'm all swollen eyes and snotty noses and big heaving shudders but I can work on those things right? Get yo dollar dollar bills ready boys, the puppies are coming out to play (in the most classy way of course) 

A Gypsy - Did you know that Gypsy tears are meant to ward off against AIDS? I could put my tears in to little glass jars, sell them on the internet and make a fortune. Which I would probably then use to buy one million pop tarts or fill a swimming pool full of the popping balls you get in bubble tea. Step 1. Cry Step 2. Bottle Tears Step 3. Profit!!!! 

The Weeping Madonna - There was apparently a religious statue in Rockingham that wept Oil (for Melbourne people to get some perspective, this is the home of single mothers who wear tracksuits and no shoes with badly bleached blonde hair and regrowth for days). I could totally be a deity and weep some shit so people fell at my feet and worshipped me. I might like to weep Chu Hi or peach nector though... just to be delicious. 

Alice in Wonderland - poor Alice, she cried so much that she flooded the land and had to set sail in a little glass jar. I heard some where that global warming, droughts, water restrictions, something, something, so maybe by being Alice I am just doing my bit to hydrate the world. I'm a good guy like that. My sister is a skipper and she has a boat, so by flooding the world I would be making an income for her as well. Flooding the world Alice style seems to be the gift that keeps on giving. 

A Lubrication Provider - I went to Sexbo one year and there was this alley where you could go in and see all fucked up kind of shit. In this section there was all different kinds of Lube. I distinctly remember there being "Vomit" so I am sure there is a place for tears as well. I could sell my tears to them fucked up people to wet their regions when they cant wet themselves. I may not be doing it but if I can facilitate it for others, you beauty. My initials at KW, that's totally close to KY, this might be my destiny. 

A Unicorn - I know unicorns are just really horses with a horn stuck to their head and yes I know that I have mentioned on numerous occasions that I hate horses BUT the healing properties of Unicorn Tears kind of trumps any pre existing hatreds. Unicorn Tears can heal EVERYTHING. No more dishing out money for expensive antibiotics to cure that STD you picked up from that Tinder bitch that you have been messaging, no more blisters from those new shoes that you just had to have that are one size to small for you and CERTAINLY no more agony when trying to sit down to pee after leg day. Use the cure all Unicorn tears to cleanse you of all that ails you. You are pretty much invincible with those bad boys. By being a unicorn and giving out my tears I am making the world a better feeling place. 

Every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day, the difference is usually your attitude. I may be crying some tears today but tomorrow I could also be changing the world, its all about perspective really. So ladies (and gentleman) let your tears flow and you can be who ever you like. Changing the world, one tear at a time. 

Love and Salt Streams 

Miss K