Life, Death and Living Away

These last few weeks have been tough, these last few week have reminded me how far away from "Home" I actually am. My uncle passed away a few week ago after a long and hard battle with Cancer and I wasn't there. This is the first big event that has happened since I moved away from Home and it was a lot harder to deal with that I imagined (even though in all fairness, I knew that it was coming). I felt like a fraud for being upset when I was so far away. But as with all big events and life changes, it got me thinking about the life that I have chosen to live, a million miles away from home  

Living away from your family causes a fair bit of conflict with in yourself. You feel an obligation and a desire to be with them because they are you life, but then you have also created a life for yourself here as well. You always wish that the lives could mix together seamlessly but you are also realistic that, that isn't possible.You miss things, you miss birthdays and parties and births and deaths. People have kids and the kids have no idea that you exist and that's hard.

But with all this, you are also given a glimpse of True Friendship. You will have friends that you can go months or years without seeing and then when you happen to see them again, you can pick right back up where you left off like you have never been gone.And the flip side of that is that you will grow apart from people as well and that ok too. I am a very firm believer that every person that comes in to our life is there to teach us something (or for us to teach them) and when they have done that, its time for them to go on and teach someone else that needs that lesson. 

What Facebook portrays is always a little bit different to the way that life may actually be. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have but its hard sometimes as well. I cant go to my Nans house and sit in her kitchen and cry until I feel better and I just cant pop around to my dads house and eat his cereal and watch cartoons on his couch on a Saturday morning.  Living away from home means that you do a lot of things by yourself. I have the most amazing friends in the world that have become my family but even that doesn't replace the love and undying support of Sunday roasts at your Nans.

When I first decided to move, I came up against a lot of opposition. People didn't want me to go, people didn't believe in me and thought that I would be back in 3 months and a lot of people couldn't understand why I wanted to leave the life I have always known. And here I sit in my favourite cafe 4.5 years later reflecting on the biggest decision I ever made for myself. Before I left, my dad said to me "You're about to do something big, you just need to think about yourself"  (and when he got out of the car, I cried harder than I have ever cried) but he was right, the only way that I was going to get through this and I did get through this is by just thinking about myself. Moving away makes you selfish, but that isn't always a bad thing.

Above all, this is the thing that you really need to remember, life doesn't stop. They move forward with you in the back of their thoughts and you do the same. There is never a good time in life for anything, something will always be going on and something will always be tugging at you to stay so you just need to remind yourself that in life, you only have you, so you need to do whats right for you. And just remember, when it all gets to much, home is only a phone call or a flight away.

Love and Missing

Miss K 

N.B I was just struck with a scary thought, I am single at the moment but if that was to change I cant imagine getting married anywhere but here in Melbourne.... and I don't really know how my heart should feel about that. Life can still be confusing even when you think that you have it all figured out. On another note though,  I guess there is always Bora Bora as a second option.

Two Best Friends and the Bigger Picture

I have been thinking about it a lot lately, about how everything always seems to work out and we manage to land on our feet. I ask myself constantly how I managed to get so lucky in life with the people that are around me. I'm just an average girl who has made a lot of questionable life choices and some how I have managed to come out the other side with all of this.

I have always had trouble letting people in, I saw something recently that stuck with me, it was along the lines of "When I miss you, I will remember the silence that followed" that silence scares me. I'm scared to need people because then when the people are gone (and from experience, they normally go) you are surrounded by the empty silence that is so loud it crushes you. When ever I feel the need to pull away from everything, life has a weird way of giving me the things that I need at the time when I need them most. I found people that made me believe that its ok to let things in.  My main two are the polar opposite of each other but some how they give me the balance that I need.

Friend One is the eternal romantic, she believes in fairy tales and happily ever afters. She recently said to me "You are allowed to have things" and while I didn't tell her, I cried because sometimes we just need to be reminded that we deserve more than what we think we do. Friend Two hates men. Thinks Fairy Tales are for kids movies and tells me to not let feelings in to it. She is my ride or die person and would drop everything to be by my side. She shows up when I am needing most to save me from myself.

And then there is me in the middle, that wants to believe in fairy tales but who doesn't expect that they will happen to her. The person that has so many feelings and emotions but tries to squash them away to keep things simple and the me who believes that I don't deserve good things  These girls are my voice of reason and my back up to war. They see the good and the light that's in me when I forget that its there and they believe in me to the ends of the earth. I'm hard to love but they can do it without blinking an eye. These women are my warriors and my greatest inspiration. So if you want to step to me, let me remind you, they are behind me wishing bad fortune to your private parts.

And then there is us, as a small part of a bigger picture and its a picture that makes me smile every day. Finding friends as adults can be difficult, with conflicting schedules and changed priorities people drift apart, its just life but sometimes you get lucky enough to find new people that drift in. I moved states and knew no one and now I sit here 4 year later surrounded by the biggest group I have probably ever had.The great thing about these people is how much they genuinely care for each other. There is no ego driven one upping, just pure love and support. We all want to see each other succeed and do everything we can to help each other get there. People ask how you are and they actually want to know the answer. Its a nice feeling to go to sleep with.

I guess this is just a little thank you post to every single one of you for loving me and having my back. In case you didn't know, what we are apart of is something pretty special, and if it wasn't for you, it wouldn't be the same.

Love and Thanks 

Miss K 

P.S On a sadder note I have also come to realise that friendship is a lot like water. It ebbs and it flows and you are never really sure what it is going to do next. Sometimes it ends like a tidal wave and sometimes the waters rise so slowly that you don't know that its coming until the moment it washes over your feet. And the worst thing is, when this happens you can feel it, you know that hug and that look is going to be the last and things will just never be quiet the same again. This is where the emptiness comes, you're going to hurt and you'll feel like you've lost your left arm because in reality you have. But you will move on, I promise. Those people have just taught you the lessons you needed to learn and they need to go and teach someone else now. And that space they left will be filled with someone new with new lessons, its just the circle of life. Well, that's just  my opinion anyway.
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