Why wristies are awkward....

Sometimes I think about prostitutes and what a hard job they actually have, we all know that they provide massages with a happy ending but have you actually thought about the work that has to go in to the "tug" part of the rub n tug? At the fear of losing the respect of my readers and the possibility of alienating myself from future suitors I am going to be honest and say that I feel I am lacking in the art of wristies. While I admit that I am good at many things, hand jobs aren't one of them and I think this has a lot to do with positioning and stamina. In the essence of #science lets explore this further

I think the first time I experienced the need to "wristie" was in my younger days and my early sexual encounters. I was a late bloomer and didn't see a doodle until I was nearly 18, I had just come out of a long stint of religion and the idea of having to touch that thing was a bit scary. Thankfully my first boyfriend had a very lovely penis so it wasn't as scary as some of them that I have seen over the course of my "career". Being young and inexperience lead to a lot of fumbling around blindly trying to entertain the other person.

 I would like to think that my parents raised me right and they were big believers in the saying of "Do on to others as you would have done on to you" (actually I could be making this up and maybe they never told me this), so needless to say if I wanted him to touch my "area" I would need to touch his. Laying in a single bed facing each other whilst trying to touch each others areas was a bit like a game of Twister "LEFT HAND ON PINK. NOOOO THE OTHER PINK". He is clicking your mouse and you are trying to figure out how to put your arm down there without disturbing his rhythm and then your hand is backwards or upside down and you have no room for he upstroke so all you end up doing is clumsily rubbing your finger tips over the top of his head.... HOW IS THIS ENJOYABLE?

There has to be a better way so over the year I have given it a bit more thought, here are the positions and their pros and cons

The Polar Opposites - This position has been mentioned above, it just doesn't work, it just doesn't.Think of it if you will as trying to push two magnets together with their opposing forces. 
Suitability 3/10

The Side by Side - You've been out for a large dinner, neither of you are actually at all interested but you are trying to keep the romance alive (and you have to give them something back for buying you dinner). If you put any pressure on your stomach region you probably couldn't be responsible for what happens next so side by side tugs are probably all that you can muster. This position is awkward because my elbow isn't on a hinge and cant bend backwards, if I am laying on my side then I have to hold my arm up in the air and its going to get tired. Maybe I could rest it on my distended pasta stomach
Suitability 5/10

The Reach Over - this one comes in handy if you are driving a car or in a cinema or doing something where you need to sit and face the front. This one can be a bit of an issue with angle and reaching over can cause your arm to get sore. Plus its not very intimate is it, if you are doing it for someone you care about isn't eye contact recommended? 
Suitability 6/10

The Sneaky Reach Around - This is probably my favorite one (granted that your gentleman isn't of the rounder side) because its the wristie that is unexpected. Imagine that they are brushing their teeth or heaven for bid having a shave you can give them some fun times. The position can cause fatigue and then there is the awkward chance of grabbing something that you aren't meant to because you cant see but the pros out weight the cons. If you can manage to keep it up until the end there is less clean up because they can just blow into the sink. No mess No Fuss
Suitability 8/10

The Lap Dance - think about sitting on their lap straddling them with their ample (hopefully) pole facing skywards. This way you can look into their eyes lovingly as you are stroking their masculine length. This would cut down fatigue because you are directly in front of them and your arm isn't in an awkward position. Plus if you would like to move on from just wristie to a bit of penetration all you need is a flick of the hips. Kinda like killing two birds with one stone.
Suitability 8/10

The Upside Down - This would be the 69 of the wristie world. You have your eye on the prize, your arms aren't in an awkward position and you can go for a while, he is laying in a comfortable position and could be giving you something back at the same time. The draw backs with this is that I am anti on my face and in this position it doesn't really have much choice but to end it there. When I said not one my face, I meant not on my face.
Suitability 7.5/10

The Back Up - Stand in front of them with your back to them, slightly to your preferred side (I am right handed so I would stand slightly to the left) and back up on to them with a lego hand like grip. They can whisper sweet nothings in your ear as encouragement and you can go about your business whilst watching the TV. Fatigue shouldn't get the better of you in this position as your arm is a nice casual relaxed mode, much like it would be if you were treading water. Just be sure to step out of the way at the moment of "impact" because that stuff can be hard to get out of your clothes.
Suitability 8.5/10

Maybe we should all just agree to carry out our own foreplay and reconvene when we are "ready". Or maybe it would be better for everyone if we all had some communication, that's not my clitoris and you need me to go faster are probably phrases that need to be said .... but really if I haven't mastered it after 15 years maybe its just time for me to call it quits. I think I have realised that pretty much the only way to get a 10/10 if to do it yourself.

Or this... lets just go with this

Love and Lubrication 

Miss K 

N.B while writing this blog I was sitting at the pub and posed this question to the lads that decided to sit on my table, Dean Jones told me that if he is getting a shit wristie/blow job he tells the girls to suck his balls and finishes the job himself. See kids, that's what communication is all about

* no names were changed to protect the identity of the participants. But it is cricket season and they are wearing Hawaiian shirts so they probably deserve everything that they get.