Sometimes in life you just wake up on the wrong side of bed, on these days it doesn't matter what happens EVERYTHING will make you rage at the world, I'm having one of those days today. I contemplated stabbing myself in that fleshy bit near my collar bone just to get out of work and have a bit of a time out (I stopped though because that's a bit extreme and to do it I would have to ruin one of my favorite tattoos) but instead of such radical behaviour I have decided to vent my frustrations to the world, after all a problem shared is a problem halved. So here it is, my list of rages
Children - Specifically school children on public transport. I don't know why it isn't a thing here but I specifically remember there being signs on public transport in WA to say that if you were on a student ticket you HAD to stand up for adults. Those signs obviously do not exist here and as such school kids are always lounging in the seats that I, as a paying adult would like to sit in. I know I was brought up in a different time but are these children not taught manners and common decency? I even now as an adult stand up for people that are senior to me. Also why do teenagers smell so bad? I want to apologise to the world now for ever being a smell teenager.
Personal Trainers - Well specifically the personal trainer that my gym assigned me. I purchased 3 sessions to get me on the road to Bangdom (its the Kingdom where the people with Banging bodies live in case you weren't aware) and he kind of messed me around. I was all gung ho and ready to go but he kept changing my appointments or would show up late or wouldn't show up at all. He ended up giving me a few free sessions to make up for his dickheadness but it still left me feeling a little bit disgruntled, he is running a business, the customer should always come first and I just felt like I didn't. I probably wouldn't want to train me because I constantly told him that I hated him and this one time I accidentally maybe farted on his leg, but that stuff happens. Being a personal trainer would be like being a prostitute, sometimes you are just going to have to see clients that you don't like
N.B I should probably make a disclaimer here, when we actually did train I got a lot out of it and can see huge differences in my body but it still would have been nice to be put first.
Slow Walkers - I live in a city that has a high number of tourists. I work in the city, I live close to the city and in the daily course of my life I encounter a million different people. Or should I say a million people that walk so god damn slow. You may not have anywhere to go but I most certainly do. I always appear to be rushing, either running off to that class at the gym that I am going to be late for and have the muscly instructor called Wendy yell at me (she looks like she could crush my skull like a walnut between her overly muscles thighs so I don't want to make her angry) or I am running to get something on my lunch break or I just want to get something to eat. I am slowed down daily by people that meander. I think there should be a blanket rule, no tourists on the streets before 9 in the morning and between 12 - 2 during the day. Business people are busy people. Get out of my Way. Or if you would like to walk slowly, or stop suddenly, don't do it in the middle of the walk way. My dad always used to tell me off for walking irradically and would push for me to keep left, I like this attitude. Everyone should adopt it
Phone Junkies - This can be coupled with Slow Walkers, is your life really that important that you cant put your phone away for 5 minutes to get from point A to point B. When you have your head down you have no idea on what is going on around you and that probably means that you are pissing off the world. Also at the GYM!!!! What the fuck are you thinking? I don't care if you need to swipe left to some hot bitch on tinder (is that the way you swipe? I have never tindered) between sets on the lat machine but I have a work out to do and I do not have time to wait for you to check your face book, take a selfie and text your bitches. I am sure that it can wait for an hour. Just the other day I was doing weighted walking lunges (my most hated exercise in the universe) and this girl was on her phone and walked straight into me and sent me toppling over unceremoniously with my 4kg hand weights clattering loudly to the floor. What if I was trying to look sexy and pick up? she would have totally ruined my mojo.
Gym Dickheads - this can fall into a lot of boxes, machine hoggers, excessive sweaters, phone users, selfie takers, generally just people that have no regard for what is going on around them. We are all there for the greater good and good on us for finding our 30 but maybe lets have a little bit of consideration. Share the machines, wipe up your sweat, put the equipment back, leave your phone in your locker. Don't be a dick head. Plain. Simple. As Nike would say, Just Do It (and by it, I mean not being a cock smoker)
Lose Fat fast advertisements - WHY!!!! How does facebook know that I was once obese? well for your information facebook I have lost 18kg this year and I am feeling fantastic and not fat so you can keep your lying advertisements to your self. I am also constantly plagued with thoughts of who actually falls for these advertisements. I saw one the other day of a lady that was pregnant and then 10 weeks later she was skinny and had lost 700 pounds, SHE HAD A FUCKING BABY THATS WHERE ALL HER WEIGHT WENT AND I AM PRETTY SURE THATS A DIFFERENT PERSON ANYWAY. What kind of person would actually look at this picture and be fooled by the persons miraculous weight loss? Certainly not me and I am upset with Facebook that first they profiled me as fat AND THEN they insulted my intelligence by thinking I would go along with the stories they are trying to spin me.
That Fucking Banging Noise from Upstairs - I live in a small Apartment complex of 8 units, every night at about 7oclock banging starts from upstairs. Its kind of like the banging that you would hear if you bounced a cricket ball against the wall repeatedly. This goes on for about 10 - 15 minutes in a non rhythmic pattern and then stops, I always thought it was maybe a small child that wouldn't go to sleep but I have never seen any children coming in or out of my complex (not to say that there aren't children there, maybe there are and they are being held captive and the banging is trying to get my attention so I come and rescue them. Well too bad, you'll need to bang louder and more frequently than that). At 7 o'clock its annoying but last night it started at 10 o'clock and went until about 10.13!!!!! I was trying to sleep and I very nearly put on my slippers and dressing gown and marched up there to give them a piece of my mind. 7 o'clock is an inconvenience, 10 o'clock is a crime against humanity.
Fading Hot Water - When I first moved into my apartment I never had any problems with my hot water, it did a Rheem, it came on steady hot and strong, but lately it has been a bit lack luster. While standing minding my own business and contemplating the universe the hot water just cuts out and I am shrouded in jets of ice water. I think that it might be my neighbours conspiring against me because they hate me, maybe they have a toilet flushing schedule or a washing machine revolution just to make my life difficult. I am a simple creature, I just want a hot shower with out swear words. It shouldn't be too much to ask.
Paperclips - the bain of all office workers I would hazard a guess, or it could just be one of my triggers. I find them to be untidy and the way that they catch everything in their path and pull the papers apart or just fling off into the distance when put under the slightest bit of duress, or the way that they join together to hinder my paper collating process. I feel that the stapler and staple removed is a much better invention.The only good paperclip is a dead paper clip, or one that you have folded into a love heart to make someone smile. I did that the other day, that was a nice paperclip.
Phheewwwwww, now breath. I possibly feel slightly better about venting. I have also realised that maybe I am a very cranky angry old lady and I should make steps to rectify that. I have started taking Body Balance Classes, its like a mix of thai chi, palates and yoga and its meant to be really calming. We do this arm movement water flowing bullshit and its meant to calm you down.... I might just start doing that movement when ever I want to punch the world in the throat.... its gotta be worth a try at least.Or maybe I should just become a hermit and live in a cabin in the woods where I am away from people.... actually not I come to think of it that's the best way. Hold my mail, I might be gone a while.
Love and Rage Quits
Miss K