Them Tinder Tingles - Part 1

If you haven't heard about Tinder, you have probably been living under a rock. For the last couple of years, it has been the go to App for singles seeking singles. In this time, I have been a predominately single person but the idea of Tinder gives me Tingles and not the good kind. So it got me thinking, what is my apparent aversion to the app that is connecting the modern day single? I have done on line dating before and really, this is just on line dating but the easier, not so intense and you don't have to fill in one million questions to assess your compatibility with someone else, kind of on line dating. Could it be because of the stigma attached to such an app? at least when you are on line dating, the word dating appears so you can try to convince yourself that it could be something more than it is, or it could be for other reasons entirely. So here it is, the conceivable reasons why I probably will never join Tinder.

I am scared of rejection - even if it is a rejection that I will never actually know about. I will convince myself that they swiped no because my face looks like a smashed crab having sex with a dropped pie. Its the only explanation and I don't care for your reason that they may not have actually seen my profile because there are about one million other women on there. I don't have time for rational.

Its Never Actually about the sex for me - I know that its probably hard for you all to believe but I'm not good at sex and intimacy and have in fact had a few relationships break down from this. I find sex mostly stressful so why would I go out of my way to find a stranger to have sex with? Whats is the protocol even in that? Do you have this kind of conversation "Hi, my name is Kerry, one time a Kookaburra ripped my nose off, my vagina is down there, I hope you don't have a giant foreskin or a weird jap eye". Or do just get naked and hope for the best? I am awkward at the best of times... let alone when there is nudeness involved.

Tinder is full of Trolls - People go on Tinder just to abuse people or make stupid cracks, I know that its all fun and games and you need to take it with a grain of salt but sometimes people can be bastards. Why would I put myself in a situation where I am inviting people to abuse me and tell me that I'm fat and ugly (which from my research is the most common insult). 

There is too many people and too many options - I have the world at my finger tips really, I could have all these guys lining up (ambitious I know) but one thing I learnt from recruiting is that if you give yourself too many options you just get confused and don't make a decision at all. That is what I think Tinder would be like for me. Its also why I don't shop at op shops, I don't like sifting through all the junk to get to the treasure because its too overwhelming. Actually what I really need is someone else to run a Tinder for me, make a short list and let me interview the top three candidates. That sounds like something I could work with.  

Sex I can get - no wanting to toot my own horn but I got that shit if I want it. Fuck I have received two doodle shots this week and all I need is to give the word and it will be on but  I am one of those romantics that believes I deserve more than just a casual roll in the hay. I want ice cream and picnics and hand holding walks and while Tinder does have the ability to give you that, I am still not sure that I am willing to play the odds.

Its not organic -- You are judging someone based on a couple of photos and a few hasty words. I have just found out that height isn't recorded which for me is a problem. As much as I try not to be, I really am a judgemental cunt. There was a meme that I saw recently that said "What do you call a guy under 5'11? A Friend" and I'm pretty much set on that mind set. Hey, don't get me wrong, I have been proven wrong in the past and have had short guys blow me away. Recently "35, 5'7" charmed me so much that I forgot about his height all together. Life is funny like that, it also doesn't hurt that he reminded me of one of my favourite people and he had cool shoes on. So I guess what I am saying is that  not only am I judgement, I am also fickle. You can call me Shallow Hal.

I don't know that I actually like people - I am the eternal hermit. I love being by myself and spending time in my own little world cut off from everyone else. If I was to Tinder I would have to be on my phone, making awkward small talk conversation in multiple windows and it just seems like a lot of effort for really not a lot of reward. I have lots of people around me, I like those people, why do I need more people that are just after me to put their bits in my bit?

I'm Scared of seeing people I know - I don't know why I think there would be judgement in this situation as realistically it would be like the pot calling the kettle black but its still a bit awkward. Its like seeing friends at strip clubs, many years ago before my bestie was my bestie, I ran into her at the Voodoo Lounge and she was very quick to say "Oh, I don't come here often". I didn't care at all but she thought I would judge her, I guess I have the same thinking. Also whats the etiquette here? Do you swipe yes because they are your friends and you want to support them, or do you swipe no because if you were going to bang IRL you would have done it already? What if they don't swipe for you? and what if they do!!!!! See the rabbit hole that you could potentially put yourself down? that shit is stressful and I already have enough stress in my life.

 Talking is OK, but they probably expect something more - I think that I would be able to hold up my end of the deal with the witty conversations that I believe are the basis for all Tinder interactions,  because when it comes to words, I'm the shit (why else would I have this blog right?) but I have realised that Tinder is more than just talking. Its actually about meeting and mingling. Who really has time for that? who wants to go and spend time with people that they don't really know in the hope that they can get acquainted with the other persons intimate self. Plus, I am perpetually poor, I would prefer to spend what little money I have on meeting people that I actually know. What I guess I am getting at is why bother with the talking if you aren't willing to put the actions in behind it?

So there it is, all the things that crossed my mind when for that brief moment I thought about joining tinder, even if it was only just to see what it was all about.  A friend of mine posted on my Facebook wall the other day a motivation quote that said "I am not unlucky in love, I am just extremely good at being single" and she is bang on the money. When you look at it that way, why would I need Tinder? 

Love and Swipes 

Miss K