As we roll into 2015 wearing futuristic clothes and riding around the street on Hover boards I was going to take this time to reflect on the goals that I set myself at this time last year but after doing a quick browse back over them I realised that I didn't do very well in following through with what I set out to do. I found love and lost it again, I got into shape and stayed there and was a bit more selfish than I used to be but other than that I think that maybe I forgot that these were my resolutions. Even though today is really just another day and the only change is the date I am going to try and write another set of suggestions to live my life by, maybe this year I will print them out and stick them up where I can see them so that I don't forget what I have set out to do. So here they are, things to work towards in 2015
Get better Posture - my dad constantly tells me to stand up properly. I am a solid 5'10 and I should show this to the world. Also if you have better posture your boobs look bigger and that is always a good goal to aspire to have. I look at tall women in the street and think how beautiful they are when they are standing up strongly, I want people to look at me like that.
Stop saying Cunt so much - I don't know how this one happened but the C Bomb may have become the most commonly used word in my vocabulary in 2014, it replaced the filler words of "like" or "umm" if you will. The besties boyfie always tells me that boys would be much more interested in me if I didn't say it so much so I am going to give it a crack. I don't think I am ready for it to go cold turkey but I can handle this like a pack a day smoker tackles quitting, slowly whittle it down one cunt at a time until I don't need it any more.
Call my Nan more - I am not afraid to say that my nan is one of my favourite people on the whole planet. She inherited us when I was about 10 years old and she has loved me and hugged me and listened to me cry over boys and fed me lollies and been the most amazing nan that anyone could ask for. She doesn't judge me or my life choices and supports me 100%. It is easy to forget about these people in the busy life that we lead, but in 2015 I am going to try and remember her more and pick up the phone. You never really know how long you have left to show someone that you love them so I don't want to waste any of that time.
Stop being so hard - I was sitting in the shed one day with my dad while he was changing the brake pads on my sisters car and we were having a discussion about some life issue and he looked and me and said "you are a hard women" and this has stuck with me for the last few years and constantly pops up in my head. I am hard and I will admit that, it takes a lot to crack my shell and I will cut people off at the drop of a hat because of a feeling. I am always told that I cut things to early, so maybe for 2015 I am going to give myself some more leeway. Surely everyone in the world isn't out to get me so I probably should give them a chance. Go into the world with an open heart and great things will come to you. I hope. I am always black and white, maybe its time to let in some grey.
Write More - This was one of my goals for last year and I did well it for about half of the year and then I just seemingly fell of the edge of the world. See the thing with me is that when I am not feeling good I feel that I don't write good so everything that I do is rubbish and is not worthy of public viewing so instead of trying, I just disappear. This is bullshit really and in 2015 I am going to stop this. I am going to set myself a goal to publish at least one post a week, I am going to set aside a block of time every weekend to sit and write and just see what happens. I have a folder full of ideas just waiting to be fleshed out, I really need to give those ideas light. Writing is cathartic, I need more of that in my life.
Eat out less - One of my goals every year is to get better with money and I have yet to achieve that goal but this is one little thing that I can do to tie into that. I need to stop eating out and actually be more organised. I opened my fridge this morning to find something for breakfast and I had the choice of some meadow lea, 3 semi sun dried tomatoes and a tiny bit of parsley. That's not the contents of an adults fridge. I am a good cook, I make delicious meals and I have it within my capacity to be organised but I am easily way laid. I will endeavour to make my breakfast, take my lunch to work and have a plan for what I want to make for dinner each night instead of grabbing breakfast on the run, buying my lunch and getting some take away on the way home after the gym. $10 per meal certainly does add up. Eating out should be a treat, I need to make it so.
Become less Social Media reliant - I am 31 years old, I don't need to be constantly sitting on my phone waiting to find out what my friends are having for dinner. I sit on the tram during my daily commute and it has dawned on me that we are now a group of Zombies. As soon as people sit down they pull out their phone and start scrolling through their social media feeds to distract themselves from the world around them. I want to be present. I want to make friends with the little kid called Marcus that is sitting next to me and wants to be a Burrito when he grows up (see what you can find out if you offer to share your seat). I want to smile at the old Italian lady who tells me to be less hard on myself and I want look at the amazing Graffiti that adorn the walls along the tram line. There is so much beauty in the world and I am scared about how much I have missed with my eyes glued to my phone. The news feed is still going to be there in an hour, the wisdom of the old lady sitting next to me can only last until my stop approaches.
Stop Hiding behind my overtly sexual Nature - So I guess now its time to come clean, everyone has this view of me that I am this overly sexual creature, I ooze it from my pores, I act like it, I dress like it, heck I even write about it but really that's not who I am. I think that its an act that I have fallen in to because its easy. I lost count of the amount of dick pics that I was sent in 2014, and do you know how many of those people I have actually been intimate with? ONE!!!! I know that its all in good fun but it has dawned on me that some people think that's all I am and I am not really cool with that. Last year I fucked up, I started to snatch chat with a guy who I actually genuinely wanted to get to know better but because that was how things started there really was no coming back from that. I don't want to make that same mistake in 2015. I am not an object and I wont stand for being treated as one, I like attention, but this is the wrong kind of attention to be getting. I am better than that, if I want to be treated as a lady, I need to act like one and make people remember that I am one.
Stop with the Emotions - I am an overly emotional person, I will admit it. Life gets to me, I get upset, I get angry, I want to disappear into the blackness. I want to be more stable in the year 2015 because at this age I should probably have my shit together, or at least pretend that I do. I nearly lost my job in 2014 for being upset about life circumstances. I went through a terrible break up that destroyed me and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop that from coming out. I got pulled in to line and told to shape up or ship out and this wasn't a pleasant experience at all. It made me realise that everyone is going through shit and the world doesn't really care about your struggle. This year I want to be like a Botox lady, a fixed mask of non expression. The world doesn't need to know about my emotions because they probably don't care. I'm going to do Kenny Rogers justice this year and know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
Say Yes More - A few years ago I had one resolution for the year and that was to make it the year of the random and it was probably one of the best years that I had so I would like to adopt this one again. I am going to stop making excuses and become more about action. You never know what the world has in store and you certainly wont find it out by sitting on your couch watching reruns of the Big Bang Theory. So that guy wants to take you out for ice cream - YES. You get asked to a party where you don't know anyone - YES. You find an advertisement for a cooking class - YES. I am going to be like Jim Carey in Yes Man (just a little bit less funny, only a little bit though). The world is out there, all I need to do is say Yes and let it in.
2014 was a year of High Highs and the lowest of lows but I am here on the other side so I have to take that as a win. The bad times help us be thankful for the good and inevitably make us the people that we are. I made friends, I lost friends, I cried, I loved, I laughed and probably pissed a whole lot of people off along the way. I found my place in the city and was shown the goodness in people when I really needed to see it. Whether I achieve all my resolutions or not, as long as I be the best me that I can be I will happily take that as a win. So 2015, I am coming for you. I will be the one with good eyebrows and designer high heels and I will take no prisoners. I cant fail, because after all, I am Kerry and I've got this.
Love and Old Lang Syne
2015 can do this...