Some places just plain s*ck for s*x

I know some of you are new to the game and still basing your idea of fantasy worthy hookup spots off of movies and porn, but the fact of the matter is, most of the places you are dreaming about fucking in, aren't actually that great. I've had sex just about everywhere possible, and if these are your dreams, you're dreaming to small.

Shower

Shower sex is just so... vanilla. I really can't think of a better word than that. It's boring, uncomfortable, and somewhat difficult. I don't know at what point shower sex became such a sexual fantasy, but most guys I've encountered who suggest the idea aren't super experienced when it comes to hooking up.

Pool

Ok, no. People need to stop thinking that bringing water into the equation is automatically going to make for great sex. That doesn't make sense.

There is only one way to really have pool sex, in the shallow end with you leaving over the ledge and him behind you. Once again this is just average standing sex, except you're wet. Plus the water splashing around makes a weird farting noise and condoms are virtually useless. Also chlorine can give you a major yeast infection. No thank you.

Hot Tub

This may honestly be the worst of the three when you realize you're literally fucking in a hot pool of bacteria. Um, gross?

Also this is pretty much the exact same thing as pool sex, except for the fact that things may burn a little more and there is a little more sweat.

 Truck Bed

This is definitely a midwest fantasy to have, so I apologize if not all of you identify. I don't know if people have been watching too many country music videos or if they've spent too much time searching love on Pinterest, but sex under the stars in a truck bed isn't romantic.

Because truck beds are hard as fuck and the pain your back will be in after that hook up is not worth it and B. Fucking in a truck bed is for teenagers who have no other choice.

 Beach

You fuck on the beach and I promise you all it takes is a little bit of sand in your crotch and that fantasy is dead and gone. Trust me, I've been there. I've fucked on the beach and not only did I feel grimy and like I needed a shower, I also spend the next few showers getting sand out of various parts of my body.

Plane