I am getting to the age now where I am among the dwindling number of fabulously single and the only way to become unsingle is to date and as we all know dating is terrifying and awkward. There are so many things to take in to account when it comes to modern day dating that it can leaving your head spinning and wondering if it is even worth the effort (for me the jury is still out on this one). I know some people seem to get dates and relationships easily but for me it has always been a bit of an uphill battle and here are some of the reasons why
Food Noises - I like to think that I am a pretty patient and tolerant person and for the most part I am. That is until it comes to food noise. As Urthboy puts it, when I see that red flag I am like a bull to the Matador. What if I go on a date with someone and they chew with their mouth open and then I stab them and then I go to jail?? Its going to be pretty hard to find a boyfriend in jail.
How many people is he dating? - I am a one man women, I have always been that way. If I like you, I like you and I will give you my attention until you don't like me anymore (or I don't like you if that may be the case) but from my experiences of modern dating I may be alone in this dating theory. What if I start going on Dates with someone and at the same time he is dating 3 other women. I don't want that, I'm not a jealous person but I want to be the centre of attention. Whats wrong with that?
How much of your real self do you reveal - I'm odd, no ifs buts or maybes, I am an acquired taste, when you are first dating someone you want them to get a good impression of you so they come back for more, but how much of me should I show them. Its like, yeah this is all of me and its probably better that you know what you are getting yourself in to from the start, but in doing that, you give them a great excuse to run away. We should pour the crazy out in little trickles, I get that, but sometimes my crazy has ideas of its own.
What shoes do you wear - I am a self proclaimed Shoe Pimp, I judge people on their shoes so it only seems natural that people are going to judge me on mine as well. That's why when it comes to picking the shoes for a date its more important than actually picking the outfit, no lie, I will base my whole outfit around the shoes that I want to wear. Do you pull out the Big Guns straight out, are they worth your favourite Jordan 5's or should you ease them in with a lower level shoe to give yourself some room for impressing later (I wore a beater pair of AM90s a few weeks ago and he rocked up in a fresh pair of AM90s and my AM90 clad feet felt shame that I hadn't upped my game but in fairness I didn't know that I had finally found a worthy opponent) There is a science to shoe picking but it appears that I haven't got that science totally figured out yet.
Do you Kiss? - As an avid reader of romance novels I know that the first kiss is important, it is something that you want to be able to reminisce about for years to come, so you want to make it good. I am socially awkward and have always made to mess up the first kiss, Ill keep talking or start laughing or not know that you are actually possibly trying to kiss me. I THINK a guy tried to kiss me recently and I got so flustered that I told him he was hugging me with his arms in the wrong position. Way to ruin the moment idiot.... clearly that kiss didn't happen. Now I am starting to wonder if there is actually such a thing as a perfect first kiss. I feel like the movies have lied to me.
What if they are a fussy eater - My mumma did raise me to be a good eater, she would feed us weird things out of dog bowls when we small and as such I have grown in to an adult that is willing to try almost anything. My idea of living hell would be to find a man that is all about meat pies, Kebabs and no fruit or vegetables. What if the guy I like is like that? Can I see myself falling in to these routines for the rest of my life? Is it worth even going on the date?
When is it ok to be excited by the new date? - The below meme is my spirit animal. It is the story of my long and arduous dating life. I meet a guy, we have a few amazing dates, I get excited and talk about him to my friends (sorry friends) and then just like that, BANG, its done. Then you have to tell people that nope, this one was a false alarm as well. After how many dates is it ok to be excited and think that there could be a possibility of the dates turning in to dating?
Will they actually be as tall as what they say they are? - In the last week I have come to the realisation that Tinder 6ft is entirely different to real life 6 ft. I am the first to admit that I am a bit of a heightist. I like my men tall big and burley, and if you tell me that you are 6ft, I am expecting a 6ft man to rock up. Not a man that is 5'10 on a good day. When women said that size doesn't matter, in this incidence they are lying. I want my kids to play basketball and cant risk mating with you just in case they come out short.... you understand right?
How do you deal with the small world connections? Social Media is a thorn in my side sometimes, while it brings us closer to people we care about, it can also highlights past misdemeanours. That whole, People you May know things could have the potential to open up a whole can of worms. A guy you hooked up with is now showing in the "People you May Know" section because he is mates with the guy you are currently crushing on. Melt Down stations and epic stalking to find out how good a friend they actually are. Does the bro code still come in to it when its been years and years and it was only one night?
What topics can you fill the awkward silences with? When there are awkward silences I tend to fill them with stories about myself because I get nervous (and maybe because my stories are hilarious and I like the sound of my own voice) but I am always worried that this could come across as being arrogant and full on and I don't really want that. I try to go in to every date with a list of topics that I could bring up to help stimulate conversation but then when I get there I forget them and end up going back to story time. Is it wrong to tell them to take a knee or can I bring flash cards?
Am I steam rolling them with my plans - I am the kind of person that needs to know whats happening and what plans have been made. I get stressed if times aren't set and if things are aimless. I am an efficient dating machine and I expect the same in return. People that are indecisive are generally steam rolled by me because if they don't make up their minds I am going to make it up for them, that's just the way that my life goes and maybe that isn't a great thing. I don't want people to think that I am bossy and inflexible, because that's only partly true. If you come up with a good idea and a plan, awesome, we will run with it, but if you don't, we are doing what I want. You have been warned.
Who pays? - My dad always raised me to believe that Women should pay for themselves and I know that this kinda goes against the ethos of chivalrous dating. Lots of girls just go on date to get free food and I am not ok with this, there is no such thing as a free meal. I always wonder if they are only paying for me because they are wanting something back from it, or because society tells them that they should or are they paying for me because they genuinely want to? I have been trying really hard to be gracious and thankful when it happens and I am getting better. But a little point for guys, if a girl is willing to pay, let her once in a while. She needs you to know that she is happy to contribute and she doesn't expect things from you (well that's the way that I feel about it anyway)
So there is it, the reason that its awkward and terrifying trying to get yourself off the shelf. Add to that the money, the time and personal grooming that is required to date and you can fully understand why people avoid it at all costs. On the flip side though I am starting to realise that every date could actually be an investment in my future, sure today its coffee but in 50 years it may be rocking chairs with the same person, you just never know.
With Love and Dating Dilemmas
Miss K
P.S I know for my frequent followers you will be like "but you said you were off Tinder" and I was and I am again, but recently I went on a few dates that ended in a "What the fuck happened" kinda scenario and my confidence took a bit of a dive as a result of that, as a way of moving past this I decided to give Tinder another crack. I collected me a few Pokemen to chat to and haven't been back on it since. Though this time around I bit the bullet and actually said yes to meeting up.... such a rebel I am.