Anyone that follows me on Facebook would know that I am in a "Relationship" with the Cat that lives down stairs called Cashew. I, like most people love pets, if I go to your house and you have a pet I am probably going to pay more attention to it than I am to you, so no hard feelings. Anyway, one day while wandering into my house I spied a Tortoise shell cat in the window of my Down Stairs neighbours house, Like any normal person when they see a cat I muttered excitedly "Kitttty" and stood looking at it for a while (In the non creepy way). Overtime our friendship grew and when she was outside we would hang out on the steps and have pats and sometimes she would wander in to my house and we would just chill. Life was good in Cumming Court.
Fast forward a few months to the night of my birthday, as I was walking up the drive I stopped to talk to Cashews "Owner" and mentioned that sometimes she would come in to my house, with a horrified look on his face he remarked "Don't feed her, sometimes she gets sick!!". I assured him that I only had human food and I knew kittehs shouldn't have human food so we were good. Fast forward again a few weeks and the following conversation took place
Owner: Cashew is missing, have you seen her?
Kerry: Oh no, that's terrible. No I haven't seen her.
Owner: Are you sure?
Kerry: I have been at work since 6am, sorry.
As you can see, he clearly thinks that I stole his cat, I didn't, she comes willingly which makes me think that she would prefer to belong to me. In light of this, I have come up with a list of reasons why next doors cat should actually be my cat.
She comes to me - I guess this should be the first one as it is the most simple. She seeks me out to be her friend. I know a lot of people would like to believe that I pick her up and sneak her away but even I am not that crazy (yet)
Her Owners Play Terrible Music - last time she came to seek refuge they were playing Mandy Moore, I am not even lying. I didn't realise that we were living in the year 2000, though if we were it would explain the questionable fashion and hair styles that come out of that apartment.
They smoke Pot - I don't at all proclaim to be a goodie two shoes and I have engaged in more drug activity that the majority of my friends BUT it was only ever recreational and I have never understood people that HAVE to smoke cones everyday just to survive. The people down stairs are like this. They sit on their front balcony every night and its so bad that I cant have my balcony door or my front windows open. What kind of air is that poor kitty breathing in?
The Hall is their Rubbish Dump - I would say that 4 out of 7 mornings when I walk down the stairs I have to dodge a rubbish bag that has been hastily thrown into the corridor for later removal and sometimes that later removal takes two or three days. If that is the rubbish that is spilling out in to the hall way just imagine the rubbish that is inside the house. What happens if the kitty gets lost or trapped under a falling tower of papers?
There might not be enough love to go around - Her owner just got number plates that say [I<3MYPAM], Why didn't he get some that say [I<3CASHEW], I would totally do that and also probably adorn my car with crazy cat lady stickers and get a jumper with her face printed on it. I am that Committed to the cause. She would be number one on my priority list because lets be honest, if I am even writing a blog about stealing someone elses cat, I clearly don't have much else going on.
My Cat Didn't Die - I had my beautiful Cat Phantom for 8 years and she didn't die, clearly that shows that I am capable of looking after a cat. She was happy and healthy and well looked after and then was re-homed due to a move which to this day is still one of the hardest things I have ever done. I would like to make amends for that.
They wont think I stole her - remember that time when they thought that I stole their cat? Well, if they just give her to me then they wont ever have to suspect me ever again. I can play with the cat in clean conscious and they can go about their happy lives without suspecting their neighbours of wrong doing.
Money is Tight - The economy these days is tough, I don't want Angus and Pam to be under undue strain by having to feed another mouth. I will happily take on this burden. I will feed her and love her and give her pats and clean up her poos.
I really like cats - LIKE I REALLY LIKE CATS!!!!! Do you remember that video that was going around a while ago with that lady who is making her dating profile and she cries about wanting to pat all the cats? Well they originally asked me to star in that video but I had something else on that day.
I'm Lonely - Plain and simple, they have each other, I have myself, oh and I guess I have all the items in my house that I talk to so I don't go crazy. "Hey you Frypan, hows the weather? Got the meat sweats?". One time it might be nice to talk to something that can actually talk back.
It would save on heating - If I were to have a Cashew all of my own I could cuddle her for Warmth. she would be my purring hot water bottle. Much cheaper and fluffier than that old Electric heater that I have sitting in my lounge room.
As you can see, I have a clear concise argument as to why I would be an amazing kitty mother and why Pam and Angus should just give her to me. I might print this off and leave in their letter box with a yours sincerely and see what happens when the dust settles. I will keep you updated
Love and Whiskers
Miss K
