Have you ever wondered what is in a woman's handbag? If I am honest sometimes I wonder what I have in my own, so today after some frantic searching I decided that it was time to clean it out and assess the damage. So here it is in all its glory
The Essential
All pretty standard. Wallet, Kindle, Ipod, Contacts, Work Swipe Card, EpiPen (no death here today), Gym Card and Myki. Sweet, we are off to a good Start
Pens
Four. Ummm one for fancy, one for fun and another two just in case the first two stop working
Beauty Items
Four Lipsticks, one lip crayon, two baby lips, two sparkly lip glosses, 37 bobby pins and one earring (who knows what happened to the other one). Got the lips and the ear (no plural) covered and the hair can be on point (if point is covered in bobby pins and sticky up everywhere)
Food Items
Two forks (various sizes), a zip lock bag, various food wrappers, one breath mint, a single pain killer and two TGI wet wipes for cleaning up after yourself
Various Paperwork
Football Tickets, an Old Payslip, an Overdue Electricity Bill that has not been opened, a receipt for my Myki, a Pill prescription that I have been meaning to fill for weeks and various fliers to events in the Melbourne Region not limited to a Sunday Night strip show at the Spearmint Rhino.
Miscellaneous Items
fifty five cents in coins, an umbrella, heel stoppers for some Stilettos, a condom (that's a bit ambitious don't you think Virgin Mary), the tassel from my purse that fell off 4 months ago, a pullie cord to plug into something to make something, organic reusable green bag, Village Movie Club card that cant be activated because its broken and a stack full of business cards for my mates Business.
That's a lot of shit right? everything you could need right? WRONG!!!!! Today, the one thing that I really needed was no where to be found. I had to ask the question of where the fuck have all the tampons gone? For the boys playing at home tampons come in a box of 8 and generally you get two boxes in a pack. One pack should be sufficient to get you through a cycle and most women start having cycles in their early teens. If you do the maths, 12 times a year over say 18 years, gives you 216 cycles. You would think that I would have gotten the hang of being prepared after all of this time... but every girl slips up and today it happened to me. All I can say is thank fuck there is an IGA next to my work.
But disappearing tampons don't just happen in the outside world but sometimes in your house as well. You know the struggle ladies, you are convinced that you have a stack in the cupboard but in your hour of need the cupboard is bare. You have to resort to going through your gym bag, your going out clutches (all 17 of them), down the back of the couch and even into the pocket of the pants you wore the last time your Uterus fell out. You curse that one time that you found one in the bottom of the washing machine because you didn't empty your pockets and would give anything to take back the one that you threw it the rubbish because it had a bit of sticky shit stuck to the wrapper. Its always the way when you need one you cant find one but when you don't, you find yourself in a hail storm of tapered tip, silk ease covered, regular flow, grooved for the best protection ever little tampon fucks. I think that's called Irony and Irony is a bastard.
Can I get an amen ladies? the struggle is real and we are all in the fight together. If you see me in the bathroom and need to ask, don't be at all embarrassed because it has happened to the best of us, just don't be surprised if I don't have one, I am a women after all.
Love and Flows
Miss K