These last few weeks have been tough, these last few week have reminded me how far away from "Home" I actually am. My uncle passed away a few week ago after a long and hard battle with Cancer and I wasn't there. This is the first big event that has happened since I moved away from Home and it was a lot harder to deal with that I imagined (even though in all fairness, I knew that it was coming). I felt like a fraud for being upset when I was so far away. But as with all big events and life changes, it got me thinking about the life that I have chosen to live, a million miles away from home
Living away from your family causes a fair bit of conflict with in yourself. You feel an obligation and a desire to be with them because they are you life, but then you have also created a life for yourself here as well. You always wish that the lives could mix together seamlessly but you are also realistic that, that isn't possible.You miss things, you miss birthdays and parties and births and deaths. People have kids and the kids have no idea that you exist and that's hard.
But with all this, you are also given a glimpse of True Friendship. You will have friends that you can go months or years without seeing and then when you happen to see them again, you can pick right back up where you left off like you have never been gone.And the flip side of that is that you will grow apart from people as well and that ok too. I am a very firm believer that every person that comes in to our life is there to teach us something (or for us to teach them) and when they have done that, its time for them to go on and teach someone else that needs that lesson.
What Facebook portrays is always a little bit different to the way that life may actually be. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have but its hard sometimes as well. I cant go to my Nans house and sit in her kitchen and cry until I feel better and I just cant pop around to my dads house and eat his cereal and watch cartoons on his couch on a Saturday morning. Living away from home means that you do a lot of things by yourself. I have the most amazing friends in the world that have become my family but even that doesn't replace the love and undying support of Sunday roasts at your Nans.
When I first decided to move, I came up against a lot of opposition. People didn't want me to go, people didn't believe in me and thought that I would be back in 3 months and a lot of people couldn't understand why I wanted to leave the life I have always known. And here I sit in my favourite cafe 4.5 years later reflecting on the biggest decision I ever made for myself. Before I left, my dad said to me "You're about to do something big, you just need to think about yourself" (and when he got out of the car, I cried harder than I have ever cried) but he was right, the only way that I was going to get through this and I did get through this is by just thinking about myself. Moving away makes you selfish, but that isn't always a bad thing.
Above all, this is the thing that you really need to remember, life doesn't stop. They move forward with you in the back of their thoughts and you do the same. There is never a good time in life for anything, something will always be going on and something will always be tugging at you to stay so you just need to remind yourself that in life, you only have you, so you need to do whats right for you. And just remember, when it all gets to much, home is only a phone call or a flight away.
Love and Missing
N.B I was just struck with a scary thought, I am single at the moment but if that was to change I cant imagine getting married anywhere but here in Melbourne.... and I don't really know how my heart should feel about that. Life can still be confusing even when you think that you have it all figured out. On another note though, I guess there is always Bora Bora as a second option.