Lets all take a knee, its story time.
I have been asked to write this post a few times but have always turned it down because I do not have the proper worldly experience to comment on it and we all know that I like to write from personal experience. But I think maybe now is the time... lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things and inviting my friend along to join in the fun. I have long commented on the fact that I thought that my friends claims were bogus that threesomes were pretty common, but on doing some market research the other night I realised that he might actually be on to something...
In a crowded bar, I did a quick whip around asking the question "Have you ever engaged in a Threesome?" and the results actually shocked me, I didn't get any girls admitting it (though in fairness we were hugely out numbered by the boys) but I would say a good 1/4 of all of the boys that were there had said that they had (and I actually believe them as well). From what we found, they are generally done with a friend, normally after a bit of booze. You are probably more likely to have had one if you play football, admittedly, I don't understand the link either but it seems that there is a direct correlation. The most common type of threesome is the Boy-Girl-Boy Combination and if you are under the age of 25, it is a little more likely (I would like to blame this on the Internet pornography).
Prior to these discussions the only threesome that I had ever heard about was two friends of mine that had sex with the same guy at the same time, they didn't interact at all, he just kind of poked one a bit and then poked the other for a bit, in my head the whole situation was really really awkward but it could have been romantic, I am not really sure. Oh also there was that one time that my mate was about to bang two sisters and then their parents came home, which may I add was probably for the best.
Whilst we were in discussions I was asked for my view on them and why I hadn't had one and from my answers, I got told that I over think things and they were totally 100% right, so here are the scenarios and the over thoughts that I have had in relation to them
Boy - Girl - Boy -
How do you decide who goes where?
Do you take turns and then do the swap?
Is that not considered double dipping and isn't that generally frowned upon at dinner parties?
Do they get shy about their junk compared to their mates junk?
What if one blows on the other one? (this is a true story, it happened to a friend of mine)
What if I am actually only attracted to one of them?
I am not very good at multitasking, seems like there is a whole heap of multitasking involved. One guy is always going to get the raw end of the deal. I just want things to be fair.
Girl - Boy - Girl
How much interaction do I have with her and what does he do while this is happening?
What if I am scared of vagina and cant touch it?
If she goes down on me, do I have to go down on her?
What about diseases? She can have her turn on the fun stick and then when its my turn is it weird to change the condom (because really that's important)
What if it turns out that I am more in to her than him? I don't want to hurt his feelings.
A few years ago I met a girl at a Hens Day, her name was Stacey and we hit it off straight away, we swapped numbers to tee up a time to catch up later (as you do with people that you think are rad), well you can imagine my surprise when a few days later she messaged me to ask if I would like to be in a threesome with her and her new boyfriend.... I will admit that I considered it, because why not (I also patted a horse the day that this message came through so I was on a roll with conquering things that terrified me). Long story short, it never actually ended up happening because it was too planned, I was going to meet them together to see if I got along with the guy, there were a heap of rules (which I believe are totally warranted in this situation) and she was doing it in the hope to keep the boyfriend interested. Turned out the Guy was a fuck wit and they ended up breaking up because she wasn't able to organise one quick enough... but since this its not really came across my radar again.
On further contemplation, I think for me to engage in a threesome it would have to be a spare of the moment decision. You know when you are at a restaurant and the waiter has come to take your order and you haven't really decided what you are going to eat yet but you make a snap decision under pressure and you end up eating something delicious? yeah I think that's how it would have to be. I guess my friend Safety Sam said it best "If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I would have lunch with my parents"
Love and Eiffel Towering
P.S Thanks to the couple of guys that approached me about being in their threesome after my Facebook post. I am flattered and you did a little thing for my confidence, but please see above note, menu, waiter, etc etc.